Starry-Eyed

Some of the most disconcerting panic symptoms I’ve had have been visual; there’s nothing like going about your daily business when suddenly your field of vision narrows, small flashes and floaters appear, or your pupils dilate, turning the world around you into a dizzy, dissociated haze of sensory overload. A therapist once made me sit […]

Chiaroscuro

Chiaroscuro: Light and shadow. Perhaps the most powerful creators of mood, tone, atmosphere. The slow, seeping brightness of early dawn.  Dappled, yellow morning light, filtering down through leafy branches. The mid-afternoon sun throwing everything into shadowy relief. A candle glowing on a frosty windowsill. Silver-pale moonlight throwing long shadows across fresh snow.   Light and […]

Getting Back on the Horse

  (You’re welcome) For me, at this stage, sometimes a “bad anxiety day” isn’t even the worst part. It’s the morning after, waking up with that unnamed sinking feeling, and suddenly remembering: Yesterday I failed. Again. With this thought comes a bleak kind of depression that can hang around for days if I let it. This […]

Lost In Space

  Falling in love. Falling asleep. Falling apart. Falling. A moment of total release. It can be a sublime or a terrifying rush, a transcendent, floating space, or just absolute quiet. Generally, one only feels this when one is truly falling, either physically or between mental states– out of an airplane, into unconsciousness, in a dream. For […]

You Are Not Disabled

“You are not disabled”. Some of the most useful words ever spoken to me by a psychiatrist. My first reaction? He’s wrong. I AM disabled. Look at how hard it is for me to leave my apartment and go to class every day, to socialize, to do spontaneous and unexpected things.   Then I took […]

Rhythms

I’m a dancer, so rhythm is a huge part of my life, but rhythm is at the core of every human’s existence. Think about your heartbeat, the breath cycling through your lungs, the blood coursing through your veins. Rhythm is integral to life, and I’ve also found it to be very healing. Music, breathing exercises, dance, […]